. . . there are days where I feel like I can not take it any more. Where I just want to say to those around me, "It hurts so badly within me and I do not know what to do." Because that is the truth. It does hurt. Being alive is hard work.
Despite this pain, I hold on. To the recovery process. To life. To hope.
I have not eaten very well lately. I have lied about what I have eaten to those who love me.
It is starting to feel very, very much like a relapse. I scares me. A year ago I was doing so well in recovery. Gaining weight and life. Looking forward to the future. Then, gradually, anorexia increased its control once again. Will I ever recover?
A part of me refuses to give up. I have moved forward before and I can do it again. To take responsibility I contacted a nutrionist and explained my situation. She has worked wih people who battles an eating disorder for 15 years and seemed like a warm and wise human being. I am scared of seeing her, but I am also scared of anorexia.
. . . guess I am choosing recovery. Again.
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