Struggles and victories.

The dinner is eaten. Contrary to what ED told me it tasted good. It tasted freedom. I need to remember the joy and strength I feel when I say NO to anorexia. Usually I hide from challenges, telling myself I will do it when it feels "right".

Well, what if it will never feel "right"?

Maybe there is no such thing as a "perfect moment". All there is is opportunity upon opportunity for growth. Every single moment is an opportunity to choose recovery. No matter how painful and wrong it might feel. 

* * * 

While the burger was a great step in the right direction, there are still so many challenges to work through and I am trying not to get overwhelmed by the thought of it all. A huge challenge for me is comparison. I compare my food and activity levels with my mum, a destructive tendency that only leaves me feeling guilty and upset. Truth be told, I am sitting here right now and plan what my mum will eat tomorrow. Then what I am allowed to eat based on her intake. It is sick. It is holding me down. I want to change this. I do not want to obsess about how many calories she consume. Or how many minutes she stand or walk each day. I want to be able to focus on, trust and honor my own needs. Without judgement or comparison.

. . . it is a process.

Never give up. Continue to wake up. Get out of bed. Continue to try. Try, try, try. They say recovery is possible.